Imperfection

I am not perfect. I have never claimed such a distinction, and I can say with confidence that I never will. Whilst as a Master over my pet I clearly hold dominion I, like any other man, will make mistakes...though men would have you think otherwise. I am smart, I am capable, I am proud, I am even kind, but I am not perfect. There will come times when I don't do everything right, and the odds of this increase because of the relationship I have with my slave, not in spite of it.

In vanilla relationships there are age-old rules that have stood the test of time. There are things that people do that have just become expected. Every M/s relationship, however, has its own unique complications and dynamics. There are times when, for the good of the relationship, that aspect must be set aside and we must regard each other as equals, if only temporarily. The trick of it is knowing when equality should take a place and when I, as the Master, truly hold dominion. At this especially I have shown to have poor judgment, attempting to enforce authority or judge inequality when in reality equality and a caring thought is more necessary than ruling with an iron fist.

There is a specific distinction between causing pain, and causing suffering. I, admittedly, love to cause my slave pain. I loathe causing her suffering. I will delight in causing her pain frequently, but I would die before wishing any suffering upon her. Pain is when you inflict short-lived, sudden, and intense discomfort upon the subject that can, in it's unique fashion, enhance the happiness of the subject and help bring a sense of fulfillment even. In contrast, suffering is a long-standing and terrible ache that ultimately detracts from the existence and ultimate happiness and fulfillment of the subject. Causing my slave pain is so very enjoyable for both of us. Causing her suffering brings pleasure to neither and can, if untended, drive a wedge between me and my slave.

I love her unconditionally. She is someone who I cherish and adore, even more than she knows. She is special to me, and I cannot express my wish to help her in life's challenges and make the world better and easier for her. There are times, however, that I am unable to make the distinction of the necessity of equality, which in turn causes a horrible rift in the otherwise mostly fluid dynamic between us. Had I been able to recognize the necessity of being the decent human being we both know I can be rather than the Master I often am, it wouldn't have caused the rift that occurred.

In this I am imperfect. I never admitted perfection, but nonetheless it pains me to admit to my faults, of which this clearly is one, as this isn't the first time it's occurred and suffering was the result, much to our mutual dismay.

I know that she knows I'd never wish her to suffer and that I'm not as terrible as I might seem at times, but it can be easy to lose sight of that, I know.

So, just to be clear.

Now, and forever, my beloved slave, if ever I cause you suffering rather than pain; if ever I make your life more problematic rather than less...I am sorry. So very deeply, terribly sorry. We both enjoy the M/s arrangement because it makes your life simpler and mine more enjoyable, and we find a mutual satisfaction in it. If ever that is disrupted, it would never, ever be my wish. If ever I am seen in a negative light because of my actions making your life less tolerable rather than more...well, I would never wish for that.

I have no desire to be seen as a burden...I have only ever wished to help lighten your load rather than increase it...but part of dealing with me means dealing with my imperfections, of which I regrettably have many. As you've said, this relationship is a work in progress while we find boundaries and lines, and figure out when to cross them--and in which direction--and when to leave them be. I will make many more mistakes in the future, I know this, because I am imperfect, just as you are imperfect. You complete me, however. My imperfections and faults are filled by you, and yours by me. Separately we are imperfect, but together we can achieve something no one else alone can.

Perfection.

All I can ask is that we be patient and understanding with each other while we find the necessary middle ground to make this relationship the best it can be while accepting that bumps will occur, but they should not end things rather than be learned from...and I have faith that once perfected, what we have will truly be a thing surpassing beauty.