[Master] The History of Duality

Let me make one thing abundantly clear before I continue. I have my pet write with her own name and pronoun lowercase, and mine upper...but I do not. Some might think me as inappropriate in such a regard, but the truth of the matter is that with us, she bends to my will. I do not bend to the wants or needs of her or even of the relationship, because most of it is so surprisingly natural to me that I don't even need to think about it. As such I don't go out of my way to adhere to what the general Master/slave society says I should. I do things my way, which includes writing what feels natural, not what this particular social grouping says I should.
Now that I have that interesting little pointer out of the way, allow me to continue.

My pet is not wrong when she describes the situation as such. She is my favorite possession, my most valued belonging. It was not always so. In the beginning I was a barely blossoming Master who didn't truly understand exactly what he was getting himself into. I had a general grasp of the concept, but my refined knowledge didn't come until quite some time after I recognized what I was. I knew I had a place in this lifestyle, but I all my life I knew some things that I found interesting society told me was wrong, and so I convinced myself that such was the case. That it was just a part of me that was wired different from others and so made me interested in things other considered far too extreme, and that I'd never find someone that could fulfill that part of me.

Enter my darling possession. Four years ago she and I got to know eachother, and the more we knew the more we liked. I hadn't fully recognized at the time the potential she had, but I knew instantly that she was a keeper. A kind and giving soul who would devote every last ounce of herself for the happiness of others, I had recognized that quality--it was one of the many that had made me fall for her in the first place--but rather thickheadedly I had failed to put the facts together. It wasn't until a year later that it began to come together.

Even now, how it all wound up happening was a mystery to me, but at some point it became clear to me that she lived to serve, and that she could find no greater pleasure in life than serving someone she loved completely and respected unflinchingly. Back then, even though my knowledge wasn't nearly as rounded and complete--not to say my current collection is 'complete', though it is comparatively moreso--I still knew I could shape her to what I wanted. Some might call it grooming, others might call it manipulation. Many who don't understand would tell me that what I did was wrong and that I took advantage of a woman and her weakness. Neither she nor I see it as such.

I started her down the path, guiding her gently and lovingly, to understanding her true nature. I did not warp her to be something she was not...I merely slowly exposed and shaped what already lie dormant to be perfect for myself. I never completed my shaping...at least, not back then. Due to troubling circumstances we seperated, myself under the belief that she was leaving of her own power for reasons I now know to be completely understandable, she knowing full well that if she gave me a chance to appeal to her heart it would win and so closed me out completely. She was a half finished product that I hadn't had the chance to complete...but it was enough.

Enough to make her realize she could not go back to being what she was, that even though it dissatisfied her previously, now she found herself more than that; she found herself completely incapable of returning because of her own distaste for the vanilla life. Eventually she returned to me, and something very important happened during her time away. An important part of her development occured that looking back, I'm quite sure could have never happened under my gently coaxing guidance...she understood what it was to be without it, and thus how much it fulfilled her, and how strongly she wanted it. Not only that, but she came to understand that acting out to force a behavior from me was not true obedience, that it was a game she had been playing.

When we found eachother and our passion for eachother renewed neigh instantly--after two straight years of no contact whatsoever, which as you can imagine, implies a rediculous amount of chemistry--things not only picked up where they left off, but we were both older and wiser. She had matured into understanding her true role, and I had matured in my grasp of my authority and just what it meant to be a Master. Back then I had known, but the full bredth of the title hadn't fully hit me.

Now, this tale would be interesting enough if it were just about sex and the Master/slave lifestyle...but it's not. This is also a tale of the flip-side of that: Love.

Many people equate love and sex to be on the same side of the coin. I disagree. There can be people that you absolutely despise but yet, for some reason, you can't help but feel attracted to, just as there are some people who you know are amazing and wonderful people who are deserving of the very best life has to offer, and in the same moment recognize that you have no desire to have sex with them in the slightest. This is not to say that both existances--or lackthereof--cannot coexist. This simply states that they are two sides of the same coin, oftentimes related but yet still capable of being completely independant of the other. Thusfar I have discussed sex. Or, for a more biblicaly-inclined, lust. One of the seven deadly sins., which is offset by the heavenly virtue of love...again, two sides of the same coin. Seperate yet related.

What makes this tale remarkable is not that lust plays such a dominating factor in our relationship, but that it is evenly matched with love. That I can adore my slave with such intensity and yet still recognize her as property to be used and abused at my whim...it makes for quite the quandary. Before this lust that was considered socially taboo came about there was love, and as lust has taken wing, love has intertwined around it, so that love and lust have grown in harmony. The duality of the harmony between both love and lust is only intensified by my ability two switch back and forth at will. Some might even find the ability disconcerting how I can stroke my pet's cheek and tell her how much I adore her more than anything in this or any other world, right before exacting a punishment that will make her cry out and cause tears to fill her eyes.

I am a Master. I am cruel, sadistic, arrogant, and domineering. And yet, to display my own dual nature, I am also her future husband. I am her lover, a hopeless romantic--she even calls me poetic at times--and a sweet, sensitive, caring guy. What is so interesting is that I can balance all of those natures so flawlessly that I can give her exactly what she needs exactly when she needs it, and it won't be me doing it for her, it will be me doing what I want by my will...we just happen to be that in sync.

Ours is a fairy tale happiness. The kind that you hear in story books and sappy romance movies and novels and that you think could never actually exist. Yet it does, and we have found it in eachother. True, it is not in the traditional sense, but I'm okay with that and so is she.

I have seen quite a few blogs done by Masters and slaves, as well as Dominants and submissives. Admittedly, I usually find those of the D/s lifestyle distasteful, but only because D/s play games. They are truly equal, they simply set stages and act out situations where they aren't. What I have with my slave is truly a Master/slave relationship in the truest sense. It is not a bedroom-only thing, it is a lifestyle. Every aspect of her life--except for one, and with good reason--is something that is mine to control as I please. There is no order too small, no detail too miniscule to control, that she will not love to obey and take pleasure in not having to make that decision.

The Master/slave relationships I've read in blogs and such have helped both me and my own pet evolve and understand more about the lifestyle, and thus I felt the urge to respond in kind. I felt it would be good to share with others what we each have experienced, what we feel, and what we find interesting or take value in not only to share with eachother, but to share with a community that has been so open and honest with us that it has allowed us to read their own private, innermost thoughts and understand their take on the lifestyle as well. I felt that in giving back, perhaps me and my beloved slave could do for others what so many others have done for us, and that is to help us understand and embrace this part of ourselves, as well as explore deeper still.

So in a way, this is not only a journal of our own experiences, but an homage to others who were brave enough to inspire me to have my pet create this for us. Right now she thinks me asleep, and truth of the matter is I will be returning to that state shortly, but I just wanted to put up my own post here so that readers--my pet included--could understand a bit about this, where it stemmed from, and where it might be headed.

I love you, pet, just as I love owning you and using you as my desires dictate.


Until my next entry, Peace to you all...unless you deliberately wish otherwise. ;)

~Master M

Dichotomy

i'm a creature of contrast. The One who owns me, body, heart and soul, would tell you it's so. It's one of the things - scratch that, it's the thing - that i love the most; the dichotomy that is our relationship. Without one aspect or the other, it wouldn't be the same, this ferocious, all-encompassing, lose-myself-in-euphoria, is-anyone-really-allowed-to-be-this-happy sort of love.

i can hear the changes in His voice and it sends electricity running through me every time. A glance at my photo on His desk will engender a warm tone of almost adoration that tells me that i'm His favorite possession. Like a child at Christmas who wrote to Santa for that one thing that would make life worth living and when the present was unwrapped, could only whisper in reverence of the object. Perhaps i flatter myself with the analogy, but it's how He makes me feel when He softly, gently, quietly expresses a love so deeply felt by us both.

And with the next breath, His tone changes, hardens, and again i feel my body respond. Have you been following my orders, pet? Can you give an accounting of yourself? Have you been taking care of my things?

Namely, me.

We're at a bit of a disadvantage in that our emotional bond has renewed itself at a time when we're too geographically distant to renew that physical bond. Soon, that will be rectified. Not soon enough. i long to feel His touch, both the pleasure and the pain that i know He promises. i wouldn't want one without the other. Not that it matters. He'll give me what He wants, what He needs for me to take. And i crave it, all of it.

It wasn't always so. i was His once before. i even wore a collar then, as flimsy and counterfeit as my understanding of what He expected of me, of what it meant to wear such a thing. i think back now to the me of then, years past, and i'm ashamed, embarrassed by the game at which i played. Obeying only when it suited my desires. Acting out just to feel the thrill that his stern tone sends flooding through my body.

i don't know exactly what changed - years of separation, of longing for Him - but this time around is different already. i still don't know everything that He intends to teach me. i still ask questions with a naivete that i think amuses Him. But the collar that waits for me is solid steel, a fitting metaphor for what our relationship has blossomed into, for what i have blossomed into. i no longer seek to selfishly please myself, to top from the bottom with attempts to manipulate Him by acting out. i accept. i obey. i ask for what i want.

And when it suits Him, He gives it to me.