[Master]The Painful Countdown and the Waiting Promise: What She Would Do For Me.

I am fully accepting of my cruelty.  I know of that dark side within me that would make most people horrified or disgusted, and I know that it is a terrible facet of my personality to have, despite accepting its existance.  I am a sadist to the fullest extent of the word.  I take pleasure from being hurtful, and I can get off quickly to the thought of fucking my slave while she's in tears of pain.  I had also accepted a long time ago that I wouldn't be able to find someone who was happy or comfortable with that thought, and that there would always be a part of myself that I had to hold in reserve and keep controlled, and tried to forget about that part of me.  I met with such success that I had almost forgotten a part of me existed.  Just as sure as, when my slave left three years ago, I was confident I'd never find someone like that again, and that when I tried to move on, it was with the understanding that I'd never find someone that pleased me that much again and that I'd have to settle on the next best thing that I could find.

What most people don't understand is that my pet is a masochist.  Not necessarily in the traditional way that she loves pain and it brings her physical pleasure, but in a paralleling way that yes, she might burn to be bound or hold or slapped, what she takes pleasure in is my taking pleasure in the act.  My control and my pleasure are what matter.  Were I to do any of this for her pleasure alone, it would lose all of its enjoyment for her.  Everything I do to her, she gets off on it because it's what I enjoy and what I want to do.  She would loathe it were I doing it for her and just for that reason.  Luckily, that's not the reasonI do it.  I do it because I enjoy it.

So, when I choose to make her suffer, releasing all control and letting this horrible monster inside of me hurt her to its heart content, it's not me being a terrible person, because she enjoys it.  She enjoys knowing a part of me that no one else does, and she enjoys knowing that I enjoy doing it.  She loves the idea of me beating her and torturing her, and she understands that its a part of me that no one else has ever seen or known and that I have kept under careful control because I fear what I might do to the other person if I really let loose, much less with someone who doesn't understand.  And so when she comes to see me on my birthday and we consummate our relationship at last, she has begged me and asked me to promise that I won't hold back.  I've told her of my fears; that if she sees what lurks inside of me she might fear or flee, but she has told me she would never.  I could break bones--obviously unintentionally, as I am not a fan of long-term damage to my property--and she would accept it as my right as the owner of her body, she has admitted to me.

While I personally doubt I'd ever break a bone, intentional or otherwise, I do know that on the 19th, which at the moment is among our holiest of days (as both my birthday and the day we'll return to being together at last, if only for one day until I can fly to where she is) she has begged me not to go easy or hold back and to do what I will to her.  She comes, bearing a crop for me as my birthday present, knowing that with hand and with crop, I will flog her with such repetitive force I will draw welts, make it painful to move and remain seated, and make it neigh-impossible for her not to cry out in pain when most any part of her is sharply contacted.  I imagine such a thing will not be our usual faire, but here, now, under these circumstances now 8 days away, she has asked me--begged me--to do this to her for my own pleasure, and I have agreed with a lustful hunger.

In the meantime, however, since just before the first, she offered a suggestion to me which I have taken her up on.  I permit her to get off quite frequently over the phone usually, and one thing I know is that the longer I draw out the time since her last orgasm, the more memorably, painfully, explosively wonderful they become...especially if I tease her to the brink multiple times during that orgasm denial.  Her suggestion was to not touch herself until that appointed day, and to, in a way, 'purify' her body for me, so that ever since then, the next person to have contact with that part of her body in a sexual manner will be me and me alone.  So for two weeks now--with one still to go--she hasn't gotten off.  Now, before we had been together and before we had returned to being together, two or three weeks wouldn't have been a big deal to her.  All her life she has found no pleasure in sexual acts at all really, believing she was wired differently.  She was, but not in a way that didn't permit her pleasure in sexual acts so much as in a way that she could only enjoy them under different circumstances then most.  I've shown her that much.

Now, however, it is far, far more torturous.  Now, those three weeks are terrible and taunting.  She'd thought they'd be relatively easy, even including the knowledge that I would torture her a bit with her own inability to cum without express permission, which we'd already agreed wouldn't be given until my birthday.  One of the most erotic and sexually exciting things for her is not only when I talk to her crudely about what we might do together or speak in a controlling and iron-willed voice, but when we do so while I jerk off, relieving my own pressure over the phone.  It drives her wild.  Oftentimes I used to let her join in, but these two weeks with one still left to go listening to me is painful for her, because her cunt squeezes tightly and throbs menacingly, and her arousal does not go away easily...especially if I taunt and egg it on over the phone, making it even more unbearable.  I make her body scream almost as much as if I had whip in hand, and she has at times whimperingly begged me to stop, which I ignore because I have no desire to stop.  I'll even be a tad cruel--surprise, surprise--and dig further.

"Do you wish for me to hang up and finish it myself then, pet?" I ask, and we both know the answer which is why I ask it.

"No," she whispers in reply, her voice trembling.

"And are you instead asking me to stop giving myself pleasure for your sake then?" I torture evilly, also knowing the answer for the same reason as stated above.

"...No," she responds, even quieter then before.

"So you don't want me to do it by myself, and you don't want me to stop, so what do you want then, slave?"

"I want to hear you cum, Master," she answers, the words themselves, betraying her conflicting, contrasting desires to both not hear anymore because of how painful it is on her cunt to not be able to join in and her adoration of the sound.  Her adoration of hearing me recieve pleasure, even if it's just from myself, wins out as always.  I cum, she whimpers and pants, feeling herself so painfully close to the edge just from our words and my orgasm, and I egg her on further with my words even as I come down off of my high, enjoying rubbing it in her face cruelly....which today I did thrice within a single phone conversation (which, granted, occured over the course of about two hours, but still).

In eight days I will fuck my slave, my future wife, the woman I love more than anything...and my hope--though I carry no expectations and will not be disappointed if it falls through--is that I will be the first one in her life (because of her different wiring) upon whose dick she will cum...and it will be one of the most memorable and glorious orgasms for her for having it after three solid weeks of lustful taunting and denial, even if she can't do it on my cock, and I will still have used her cunt to get off, even if she didn't get off with me at the time I ws fucking her and cementing my ownership of her body by marking her as my territory.

In eight days, after three years apart, we will finally come together again and I will be reunited with my property; my most valued possession...and you know what?

I can't wait.  I couldn't ask for a better birthday gift than her.

~Master M