Despunked

i look at these old posts and i have to shake my head. Comparing what i've become to where i was is like comparing the kiddie pool to the deep end. i know i was trying back then (very trying if you asked M), but there was something i just wasn't getting.

The year 2011 has been completely different for us so far than the previous years. The year started with the cementing of our relationship, or perhaps nailing the lid on the coffin of my freedom. We hit the point of no return, and with it came a change in my way of thinking. i can even remember when it happened. i had a choice that day - to go the same direction i had always gone and continue to be argumentative, resistant, and generally make both of our lives a miserable struggle - or to choose another path, one in which i genuinely tried to make this life that we want work. That day, i accepted the responsibility for my own part in our happiness. And it has changed everything.

My life is now much more regimented than it has ever been before. And each and every rule comes with a consequence for non-compliance. i've somehow gone from "i wonder if M will make me" to "what would M want me to do?" Even things that He hasn't set down rules for, i now stop and consider how He would want me to approach it. i used to roll my eyes and think 'those types are just lemmings', and now i've become one. And i couldn't be happier! Being His pet has never been more demanding of me, and somehow, i can't help but hunger for more.